Tim hates you

This just made my day and I’m sure it will make yours

Camel Toads

It’s gotten to such a point now that the amount of spam I receive on a daily basis is almost equivalent to the huge amount of legitimate email I receive. I wonder how I’m going to cope anymore. I’m tempted to just shut down all my current emails and just start from scratch. I mean there isn’t much else that I can do about it.

Any suggestions for coping with this deluge of junk mail will be greatly appreciated.

Current mood: Physical and mental need to commit a crime that will leave coroners wondering how I did those things to someone for the rest of their lives and the weaker ones in an insane asylum.

I hate the politicians we have nowadays.

When I say hate… the word doesn’t quite sum up the feeling of rage that builds up in me when I think of them, what I wish I could do to them when I see them on the television or walking around the street kissing babies and associated patheticnesses.

Hatred doesn’t begin to explain what I want to do to them, wanting to drown them in the blood of their family and friends whilst having them anally raped by black men with impossibly large penises and shoving human excrement into the unused orifices.

I look around me, I feel the need for weapons of immense destruction to cleanse the world. Someone give me Thermonuclear warheads please.

I look at the Labour party and wonder what happened to them, the so-called party of the people who are in one hand bleeding us dry for some inevtiably stupid nanny state ideal and then at the same time privatising everything else. What are the Tories doing to us? Oops I meant to say Labour just then.

I look at the Conservatives. I see degenerate inbred pissweak little homophobic closet gays screaming for a return to family values whilst snorting cocaine off rentboys dicks and living in denial of who they really are.

I see the liberal democrats, well no, that’s a lie, I don’t. Who the fuck are they again?

We’re losing our freedom of speech, we’re losing our sense of justice and the culture of fear from being bombed by mad muslims who scream about the human rights abuses we perpetuate in Serbia, Chechnya, Iraq and Afghanistan, I guess they think they’re the aggrieved party. They’re not, what they are though are infact lying bastards. They ignore human rights in Saudi Arabia, perpetuate abuses in Egypt, rape pillage and murder anyone who isn’t muslim in Sudan. I want to go to the Ka’ba and take a shit on it and then grind it up for cement. Then I’ll use that cement to build my septic tank.

I hate you all.

BASTARDS!

I got burgled, while I was asleep!

GITS!

So… on to a conversation I had with an american work colleague… it ran like this…

Me: blah blah blah telling him about the robbery and then waking up to find my car and some mobile phones gone (Cell Phones for the American Challenged about)… so I’m there in my bed going ZzZzZzZzZ and geting robbed at the same time!

Him: Yeesch.. You’re lucky you weren’t clubbed or shot in the dark

Me: Errr yeah they just wanted what they could grab not to be in the middle of a murder hunt.

I’ve noticed that people who are really into guns seem to have a very exagerated sense of their own peril (By the way yes he is VERY VERY into his guns). They envision home invasions, armed attackers, etc, popping up everywhere. It’s almost fetish-like, as though what they really want is to have the opportunity to have to shoot someone.

Americans I have decided on average scare me, this is not to say that my American friends scare me, they’re lovely people. But as a whole America and her sons of liberty scare the pants off me.

I’ve been gone for a while, you may have moaned about the lack of updates. I was busy. So tough. Stop your whining.

Global accounting giant KPMG has agreed to pay $456m (£255m) to settle a case related to past tax shelter sales.

The deal means KPMG will avoid potentially crippling criminal charges.

Read the rest here

So the question is, what should happen to the people who defraud a country out of $2.5 billion dollars worth of money? Shouldn’t the companies who took part in this with KPMG also be fined?

I find news like this to be much more important than some pissy little rainstorm in the south. The potential economic ramifications are just huge. But nothing will happen and the company only pays one FIFTH of what they stole from the people and life goes on.

So picture the scene.

I’m meeting my friend up for lunch today. We’re in the west end of London (Entertainment district lots of bars, clubs, cinemas and theatres etc.) and I’ve just met up with my buddy and we’re heading along to the japanese sushi bar. (We’re going to be walking past Old Compton Street and if you know Old Compton Street this will only add to the hilarity.)

We walk past a pub. A big sign is out at the front. It says, “CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.”

and then under that… “BOY BAND AUDITIONS TODAY.”

Now behind this sign outside the pub is a long queue of “boys” all standing there waiting patiently in line and enduring it all in good grace until me and my friend happen along. From here on we proceed to:
A) Hold on to a lamp post as we’re about to fall over.
B) Laughing hysterically.
C) Pointing at them.
D) Laughing some more.

I love the opportunities that London offers in allowing me to feel superior on a daily basis.

So I was walking through Soho over the weekend and saw some young kids who were about 11 at most and they walked past this stripper, she was really working it to get a client in to the peep show, stretching languorously and all sorts of interesting things were happening.
In addition to this she was practically naked, the guys eyes were popping out, mainly as she was almost popping out of the bikini top and the mini skirt she wore with no panties and in fact so were the kids eyes as they walked past them with the big fuck off grins on their faces. It was a classic Soho moment.

This just in.

I was walking through London today and a girl with a miniskirt walks down the road and she’s absolutely beautiful. I was walking behind her in the same direction…

Now here’s the deal this guy was walking in the opposite direction and his eyes were just fixed on this vision of loveliness, he turns his head to continue watching her as he walks by and he walks straight into a lampost. Me being a medium distance behind her I got to see all of this. I actually caught up with her asked her to stop walking for a moment, thanked her for one of the funniest moments in my life EVER and tried to carry on walking whilst holding my sides in pain due to the extreme laughter.

P.S. Yes after many many people asked me, the stripper at the door was very hot.

So after reading this article

Here is an excerpt:

Grins banned from passport pics
Travellers have been ordered not to look too happy in their passport photographs to avoid confusing facial recognition scanners.

Toothy, open mouthed grins are being outlawed from the tiny 35mm by 45mm photographs because they will throw off scanners used at airports.

Great we’re using biometrics, next thing we’ll have to do is paint red dots on our faces to help the scanners actually do the job right… *groan* (oops I’m probably not allowed to do this either.)

It’s not that I actually have anything against biometrics, well I do actually, but right now the technology is just pants.

On another note I have absolutely no faith or trust in the governments ability to introduce another computerised system and not have it go tits up.

Please please read A comparison between the U.S. to other rich nations

Now I haven’t had time to research all the data shown here but it is very very telling and quite disturbing infact.

I will admit that the originator of the article has a very strong political bias to their analysis and writing but it does make for fascinating reading.

All the articles concerning the economic data and their political analysis can be found here