Also am trying out a new plugin called Wiki inc and it allows me to append and embed a live version of the wiki page as is to this post.

Errr… Eww…

Here’s a few problems though.

1) The people who sponsor these REALLY fucking annoying videos in the UK is called FACT (Federation Against Copyright Theft). There is a problem though. We don’t have laws in the UK for copyright theft. FACT’s name is misleading since there is no such offence within the United Kingdom of ‘Copyright Theft’ under the Theft Act 1968. When copyrighted material is copied it is not removing the material permanently from its owner. Copyright infringement is not theft, stealing or ‘twokking’ (taking without consent) as it is the possession of a copy or copies of copyrighted material without a suitable license from the owner.

2) It’s just annoying having to sit through these unskippable and largely irritating videos time and time again.

3) Also if I ever did illegally download a video and the transfer was going that fast (watch the progress bar it’s a screaming fast download!) I’d even download Christopher Lamberts Beowulf if it meant downloading at that speed!

Here’s a couple of spoofs that have amused me.

Here’s another one by The IT Crowd.

I love watching youtube so much it’s unhealthy.

I also have to admit the truth I want to burgle the house of the man who runs FACT. I want to steal his car, his wallet and his DVD collection.

First of all there’s the new OLED Televisions out. Boy they’re pretty, pretty fucking expensive too at £1,700 a pop.

You know you want one, I know I want one, but I don’t have a spare arm and a leg at the moment, you know how it is, running to catch the bus, err enjoying Internet videos and typing this blog. All of it means I don’t have an arm and a leg spare. However if anyone wants to buy me one of these I’ll be very happy to take this off your hands.

Now my mate Ian would love this. A lot, not that he wouldn’t love the TV, but he’s got a beautiful Bravia already, the bastard. But he’s been getting into guitar hero a lot lately and this little doodad is just plain great.

This little beauty is known as the Riff Rocker, no word yet on a UK release, but if you want to while away some hours you can do a lot worse than this.  It comes shipped with the open source Frets on fire. It’s a cheap and fun knock off of the aforementioned guitar hero of course. But look at it! So tiny! So cute! So portable! So if you were lugging around say your laptop or a little netbook on holiday with you you could slap a couple of these in and have a whale of a time.

CES 2009 Mini plastic rhythm gaming guitar, The Riff-Rocker from Ars Technica on Vimeo.

Talking of netbooks the Sony Vaio P and the OQO Model 2+. I can’t go near these things because I’d be drooling so much my slobber would ruin them. They’re gorgeous, they’re tiny and they’re gonna cost you an arm, a leg, a kidney and one of your lungs. Not mine though (been living in London too long. Smoked too much, breathing in all the pollution means my lungs are only worth about 1/4 of the going price in a back street St Petersburg clinic.)

Here they are in all their lovely lovely glory.

I honestly don’t actually know what the hell I’d do with any of them to be honest, if I could ever actually buy one of these things. As an aside if you look at the actual filename of the OQO Model 2+ picture it’s called the “hershot.jpg”. I don’t know why but it made me giggle for a couple of seconds.

Anyway I’m off to watch some more Internet videos and send some text messages.

A kid, no older than 17 maybe 18 tops walks up to me and asks, “Excuse me does the prostitute live here?”

I turn around from shutting the door and say “Are you shitting me kid?”

He replies, “No, really is the prostitute here? I’ve got money.”

The first thought that flashed through my head was, “I should say to this him ‘Come out back, show me you got the money to prove you ain’t a time waster’ then I can just beat the crap out of him and take the cash.”

Second thought… “I’m too effin’ tired to give him a life lesson.”

I raise my fist up and say “Kid you better piss off right now before I beat the shit out of you.”

He runs away.

What annoyed me most was not being asked if I knew where the prostitutes are (I do, don’t ask how I know and to be honest I wish I never knew!), but that this idiot of a kid had all the self preservation instincts of a fucking suicide bomber. Geesh.

Why didn’t he just say “Hey Mr. Stranger can you come and kick the shit out of me and take all my money please?”

However I’ve paid almost no attention to my case at all because one of the lawyers is this fucking gorgeous woman. She looks almost asian but I’m not sure what kind she might be mixed Indian and something she’s just so damn hot.

Fuck… I don’t even have a clue what the case is about to be honest and I have to go in on monday to deliberate after the judge sums up… Bugger… I’m only disappointed that the case will end and I won’t be able to stare at her lovingly and lustfully mentally undressing her.

I’m meeting my friend up for lunch today. We’re in the west end of London (Entertainment district lots of bars, clubs, cinemas and theatres etc.) and I’ve just met up with my buddy and we’re heading along to the japanese sushi bar. (We’re going to be walking past Old Compton Street and if you know Old Compton Street this will only add to the hilarity.)

We walk past a pub. A big sign is out at the front. It says, “CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.”

and then under that… “BOY BAND AUDITIONS TODAY.”

Now behind this sign outside the pub is a long queue of “boys” all standing there waiting patiently in line and enduring it all in good grace until me and my friend happen along. From here on we proceed to:
A) Hold on to a lamp post as we’re about to fall over.
B) Laughing hysterically.
C) Pointing at them.
D) Laughing some more.

I love the opportunities that London offers in allowing me to feel superior on a daily basis.

This just in.

I was walking through London today and a girl with a miniskirt walks down the road and she’s absolutely beautiful. I was walking behind her in the same direction…

Now here’s the deal this guy was walking in the opposite direction and his eyes were just fixed on this vision of loveliness, he turns his head to continue watching her as he walks by and he walks straight into a lampost. Me being a medium distance behind her I got to see all of this. I actually caught up with her asked her to stop walking for a moment, thanked her for one of the funniest moments in my life EVER and tried to carry on walking whilst holding my sides in pain due to the extreme laughter.

P.S. Yes after many many people asked me, the stripper at the door was very hot.

40 GOATS TO BUY CHELSEA
Former US president Bill Clinton has been offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter by a love-struck African government official.

I think Bill should hold out for maybe 60 goats and 40 cows. Bring the deal up to a nice even 100 live stock in total. I mean if he’s willing to go that far for the deal holding out for a little more on top surely couldn’t hurt.

Although to be brutally honest. I personally think she’s only worth 25 goats and 3 cows at most.

Now zoom all the way in…