Tim hates you

I’ve been gone for a while, you may have moaned about the lack of updates. I was busy. So tough. Stop your whining.

Global accounting giant KPMG has agreed to pay $456m (£255m) to settle a case related to past tax shelter sales.

The deal means KPMG will avoid potentially crippling criminal charges.

Read the rest here

So the question is, what should happen to the people who defraud a country out of $2.5 billion dollars worth of money? Shouldn’t the companies who took part in this with KPMG also be fined?

I find news like this to be much more important than some pissy little rainstorm in the south. The potential economic ramifications are just huge. But nothing will happen and the company only pays one FIFTH of what they stole from the people and life goes on.

So picture the scene.

I’m meeting my friend up for lunch today. We’re in the west end of London (Entertainment district lots of bars, clubs, cinemas and theatres etc.) and I’ve just met up with my buddy and we’re heading along to the japanese sushi bar. (We’re going to be walking past Old Compton Street and if you know Old Compton Street this will only add to the hilarity.)

We walk past a pub. A big sign is out at the front. It says, “CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.”

and then under that… “BOY BAND AUDITIONS TODAY.”

Now behind this sign outside the pub is a long queue of “boys” all standing there waiting patiently in line and enduring it all in good grace until me and my friend happen along. From here on we proceed to:
A) Hold on to a lamp post as we’re about to fall over.
B) Laughing hysterically.
C) Pointing at them.
D) Laughing some more.

I love the opportunities that London offers in allowing me to feel superior on a daily basis.

So I was walking through Soho over the weekend and saw some young kids who were about 11 at most and they walked past this stripper, she was really working it to get a client in to the peep show, stretching languorously and all sorts of interesting things were happening.
In addition to this she was practically naked, the guys eyes were popping out, mainly as she was almost popping out of the bikini top and the mini skirt she wore with no panties and in fact so were the kids eyes as they walked past them with the big fuck off grins on their faces. It was a classic Soho moment.

This just in.

I was walking through London today and a girl with a miniskirt walks down the road and she’s absolutely beautiful. I was walking behind her in the same direction…

Now here’s the deal this guy was walking in the opposite direction and his eyes were just fixed on this vision of loveliness, he turns his head to continue watching her as he walks by and he walks straight into a lampost. Me being a medium distance behind her I got to see all of this. I actually caught up with her asked her to stop walking for a moment, thanked her for one of the funniest moments in my life EVER and tried to carry on walking whilst holding my sides in pain due to the extreme laughter.

P.S. Yes after many many people asked me, the stripper at the door was very hot.